Signs You are Getting Dumped
By: Couples Counseling Staff
Are you worried about to get dumped? There’s absolutely no doubt about it – breakups hurt. There’s plenty of emotional pain that comes along with someone you love saying they don’t want to be with you anymore. Talk about rejection! It’s particularly difficult in a marriage, but can also be very devastating to couples who have been together for a long period of time and who have a strong bond with one another.
The topic of breakups is something we have discussed before in our analysis of causal reasons. Here at the Couples Counseling Center, we have a great deal of experience helping people work through the myriad of emotions that comes with experiencing a split. The truth is loss and pain are par for the course after a relationship ends.
When you get dumped, you might feel abandoned, and like the person you trusted and cared for most in the world didn’t feel the same way. Whether their feelings changed or they never really loved you the way you wanted can become a real concern, and there are often no easy answers.
If you’re worried about getting dumped, there are 5 big signs to look for, that might indicate it’s about to happen. They aren’t guarantees, but they’re definitely red flags that you should be paying attention to, so you can prepare yourself for what might be coming your way, or try to work on as a way of preventing the break up in the first place.
1. Lack of Communication
If your spouse or partner used to call you at work, talk to you about their day when they got home, and spend most of their free time with you but now they don’t, something’s wrong. It’s especially important to be aware of this if the change is abrupt, but a slow fade over time is also something to watch for.
Sometimes this can be temporary while one person is very busy with something, but if there’s no reason for it, or it goes on for a while, you may be about to get dumped. Talking to your partner about your concerns can give you the chance to work on any problems that are causing the lack of communication, but that’s no guarantee that you can fix it.
2. Lack of Sex and Intimacy
When sex stops, intimacy often quickly fades, as well. The same is true the other way around. If you and your partner don’t have any intimacy in anything, you may not be very interested in having sex.
When your partner suddenly stops being intimate on any level, or suddenly doesn’t want sex anymore, it’s often a sign he or she has moved on emotionally, and is preparing to move on physically, as well.
It’s not impossible to get back to the level of sex and intimacy you used to have in some cases, but it takes effort, Here is the deal – both people in the relationship have to want to work on it, or it’s probably going to come down to you getting dumped.
3. Lack of plans for the future
When your partner used to plan vacations with you and now won’t plan anything beyond the weekend, there’s definitely something wrong. It’s possible he or she just isn’t happy with the way things are, and is looking for an opportunity to move on.
If that’s the case, your partner doesn’t want to make any plans that might include you, because you’re about to get dumped. That may be hard to hear but in our experience, it is absolutely true. Couples who plan on staying together generally plan things together.
4. Needing Space
“I need my space” is a classic line, and usually the beginning of the end. Couples who are really happy generally don’t need a lot of space or need a lot of time away from one another. Some alone time can be a good choice, but if it’s out of the blue or starts happening a lot, especially along with other warning signs, you can assume you’re about to get dumped unless you both take steps to salvage the relationship.
Some people refer to this particular type of behavior as “distancing”. Don’t confuse this phrase with a partner who is emotionally unavailable or has different kinds of intimacy fears. Know the differences!
5. Getting Upset With Everything You Do
If the little things your partner used to find endearing are suddenly on his or her last nerve all the time, you’re probably about to get dumped. Often, getting angry or upset with little things is part of a much bigger issue, and isn’t easily solved.
That doesn’t mean you can’t try to salvage the relationship, but you’ll both have to want the same things for it to work out. Part of this means establishing ground rules for discussing difficult issues.
It’s normal to get aggravated sometimes, but it’s not normal to start getting upset with tiny things that were never a problem before. That indicates more of a problem that your partner just isn’t telling you about.
Summing Things Up
That little voice inside of you that has been suggesting “something is up” is usually right. Lean into that voice and pay attention to what it has to say.
Some people find it helpful to talk to a professional trained in relationship issues. This can be enormously helpful in identifying patterns while also looking at behaviors with the guidance of an objective individual.
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