Instagram Can = “Insta-Jealous”
By: Couples Counseling Staff
Are you staring to wonder if Instagram is causing problems with your relationship? Social media is a relatively new phenomenon that hit homes in the early 2000’s. Since then, thousands of different social media sites and apps have popped up giving children, teenagers, and adult’s endless ways to connect with friends and strangers from around the world.
Among these amazing sites is Instagram, the picture sharing site that allows you to post snapshots of your life. It can be fun to post selfies with your girlfriends or look at the profiles of sexy guys, but did you know your social media activities may be hurting your relationship? Believe it or not – it can! It’s a topic that comes up often in our Chicago couples counseling offices where individuals seek guidance on their relationships.
Here are the 5 ways that Instagram could be making your boyfriend jealous and hurting what should be something wonderful. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Following Hot Guys
Are you looking around Instagram for hot guys and then “following” them? Do you leave remarks under their pics that in some way communicate your attraction? Are you saying things like: “Hot” and “You have a great body?” Guess what – your boyfriend is probably reading those posts.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you need to bear in mind that your social media activities, including Instagram, are subject to being monitored by your man. That may suck and it may not be cool but it’s true.
How would you feel if your boyfriend went on to his smart-phone aps and began to follow a bunch of blond bombshells? What would do if he began to post sexualized remarks and making the equivalent of online “cat calls?” to women he doesn’t know? Remember, you aren’t single anymore and it is important to not give the impression that you are.
2. Leaving Him out
Your boyfriend knows that you have a life outside of hanging out with him, but that does not mean he wants to see you to rub his nose in it. Most Instagram users can post upwards of 6 different times in one day, which is a lot. This number goes up if the user is posting during a special event. The pictures you put out there and the remarks you make can have major ramifications on your relationship. In some cases, it can lead to a breakup.
Can you imagine being at home watching television and suddenly your smart-phone starts blowing up with notifications about how much your man is having fun without you? Be honest – wouldn’t you feel forgotten, jealous and left out? You get the point.
When you continually post on Instagram photos of yourself and rave about how much fun you are having without your guy, you may be unintentionally giving the impression that you don’t want to be with him.
And while it is OK to put up a pic about an outing with the girls, it’s also important to communicate to your friends that you are attached. This means making the occasional effort to mention him in some way. It’s not all that hard.
3. The Ex
Many girls will follow their exes on social media accounts, to prove to themselves that they are happier without them. That might be fine and dandy but when you are dating someone new, it’s totally not cool. If your current boyfriend sees you on your exes feed all the time, he’s going to eventually become jealous and suspicious. This one is kind of a no-brainer when you think about it.
While we are on this point – don’t think for a minute that your man doesn’t look through your phone from time to time. According to a research study conducted by Avast, 26% of guys snoop through their significant other’s electronic devices. We suspect that number is much higher because many people respond to survey questions with the answer they think the researcher wants to hear.
Full Disclosure: We have no way of proving the number is higher than 26% but based on the stories we hear from many of the guys we work with in counseling, snooping goes on a lot more than you might think!
4. Private Picture Messages
Recently, Instagram added a feature that allows users to send private picture messages to each other. If you are always private messaging with the Instagram service, it would only make sense for your man to be a little jealous of the attention you’re giving others. Your activities could also make him a little suspicious about what you might be sending. Right or wrong – that’s just how it can seem.
One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is trust. If your man has become distant and started to question who your online communications, it might be time to give careful thought to your social media activities. If your man however is codependent, that is another story! (See our post on codependency).
5. The Attention
For many girls, instagram takes up a large portion of time. From scrolling through your freed, to replying to messages, to posting new photos – the whole thing is a time consuming. This energy you are putting into your social media activities may be taking away from the quality time you could be spending with your boyfriend.
Here is a quick self-reflection activity. If you can’t get through one date without posting a picture of your food or stealing a #supercute couple selfie, then you may have a problem.
Ask yourself why it is so important to be attached to Instagram and not involved with your man? You can be sure he is wondering this each time you reach for your smart-phone.
Final Thoughts
Social media aps like Instagram are a lot of fun. They help us stay in touch with the people we care about and create a sense of connection to others. If you are single, social media can no doubt be a great conduit to meeting others.
But remember – you aren’t single anymore. Your social media activities need to reflect this reality. That is unless you really don’t want to be with the guy you are seeing.
Do you?
