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Difficult In-Laws

You’ve finally met the man of your dreams. He is everything that you ever wanted in a husband. However, you have found that there is just one problem; his family ddoesn’tlike you and it seems that there are no lengths that they will go to in order to break you up. This can be emotionally taxing, especially when you start expanding your family. Here are a few things that you can do when dealing with nightmare in-laws.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_column_text]1. Remember that You Have Something in Common

The biggest thing that you have to remember is that even though you can’t see things eye to eye, you have something in common; your husband. You love him and so does his family. You don’t want to contribute to the rift, no matter how hard they try to push your buttons. Doing so can cause serious damage to your relationship. Some couples have divorced over in-law issues. If you want to be honest, when it comes to moms, there is rarely any other woman on earth that is good enough for her son. Mothers are protective in that way. Remember these times when you have your own children.

2. Don’t Make Hubby Choose

The worst thing you can do is force your husband to choose between you and his mother, or anyone else in his family. The truth of the matter is that if he didn’t love you, he probably would not have married you in the first place. On the other hand, you don’t want to put him in such a stressful position. Remember, that he is at home with you and not with his mom. When he doesn’t say too much, it doesn’t mean that he is siding with his family but that he is more interested in keeping the peace.

3. Choose Your Battles Wisely

Everything does not have to be a world war. When it comes to emotions, people tend to be less than rational. It may upset you that they have a huge list of things that you are doing wrong, yet still cannot see all of the good that you do. The key here is to remember that you do not have to prove yourself. Continue to me a gracious host when they come over, a good guest when you are visiting and a great wife to your husband. Trying too hard can make things even worse.

4. Agree to Disagree

No matter what you do to try to make your point, remember that you are not going to win every argument, if any at all. As hard as it can be, sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Family feuds can be hurtful to everyone, not just the couple of people that are disagreeing. If one, or even a few, of you in laws are especially nasty with you, always be gracious so it can be obvious who is fueling the fires. Consider ways you can improve communication.

5. Be Diplomatic

Chances are, the whole family is not going to be against you. Even if you have one ally, your husband included, always be diplomatic. Be careful what you say about the family members that don’t like you. Stay away from trash talking because family is family; your husband is not going to want to hear his own wife trash his mom, under any circumstances. If you really need to have a good session of venting, have a glass of wine with your best friend or your sister. You don’t want mean things that you may have said to get back to his family and make things even worse.

If you have children, there are going to suffer from the bickering in the family. Don’t make the kids or any other innocent family members suffer because adults cannot get along. If things are really bad, consider some family counseling to get to the root cause of the problem.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text]A helpful resource for dealing with difficult in-laws and other people who can at times be toxic is Emotional Vampires by Albert Bernstein, PhD. The book provides lots of practical tips and advice that can be immediately used to create positive change.

Some couples find taking part in marriage counseling can help with negotiating boundaries with in-laws. Others find one-on-one counseling useful as a way of sharing frustrations.

If you are interested in counseling services for yourself or as a couple, please give us a call at 773-598-7797 or send us a confidential note using our contact form.

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