5 Ways Technology is Blocking Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy Roadblocks

Dr. John D. Moore

Let’s face it – we live in a tech driven world. Research suggests that nearly 65% of Americans have a smartphone and that number is climbing. When you throw in tablets, Internet watches and other personal electronic devices, it’s safe to say that we’re wired to the hilt.

And while having instant contact with our friends and family is a wonderful convenience, have you ever considered how your funky little techno-gadgets may road-blocking intimacy in your relationship?

Roadblocks to Intimacy

Here at the Couples Counseling Center in Chicago, intimacy and closeness are topics that come up frequently with our clients. Issues run the gamut, from legitimate fears of intimacy to practical ways couples can increase together-time. In recent years, a common theme that has entered the therapy dynamic is the role of technology.

More and more, mobile devices connected to the Internet are wreaking havoc in people’s love life. Women in particular are reporting major annoyance with this disturbing trend.

Here are 5 signs technology may be road-blocking intimacy in your relationship. We’ve included some tips to help create positive change with the goal of enhancing closeness between you and the person that you love.

Let’s jump right in!

1) You’re on your phone while watching a movie

Do you and your mate have a special television program that you like to watch together? Is there one night a week you typically designate as “movie night”? Do you look forward to this time together? If you answered yes to these questions – right on!

So why are you playing around with your smart-phone while watching the film? The research suggests that couples who spend time checking out movies together and then talking about it later increase intimacy big time. It only works though if you are fully present in the moment. So instead of checking Facebook and other social media aps, why not power down your mobile device and simply chill with your mate?

2) You leave your phone on during sexy time

When you are with your spouse or significant other in the bedroom, is your smart-phone somewhere nearby? When the two of you are trying to get your groove on, does that phone seem to ring and ding at the most inopportune times? Does it ruin the moment?

One easy way to remove of this roadblock to intimacy is to turn the phone off. Better yet, turn it off and place it in another room where it is out of sight. One of the biggest barriers to intimacy is outside distractions. You can do a lot to limit these intrusions by ditching the phone.

3) You’re constantly checking messages

When you are with your wife, husband or significant other, do you find yourself constantly checking messages? Is the urge to check so powerful that you have your smart-phone strapped to you like some kind of technological appendage? You aren’t alone.

With the proliferation of mobile technology, many people have been conditioned to feel they need to be constantly connected plugged into the Internet. It’s a wonder anyone gets any sleep. Here’s the deal folks … you can so no to your phone.

The quickest way to annoy your mate is by responding to texts and email messages when the both of you are supposed to be enjoying time together. An easy work around is to designate specific times during the day/night when you will check and respond to messages. Why not use your new found time to engage in intimacy enhancing activities?

4) You’re sending mixed signals on social media

From time to time, it’s fun to hop on to Instagram or Facebook and “Like” something that we see. For example, clicking the “heart” button when a friend posts something cool. But if you are hanging out on Instagram and tapping on the Like button to show dig pictures of other women or men, you might be sending mixed signals to your significant other.

It’s like this – when you are in a committed relationship with another person, you need to be mindful of your online activities. While you may not mean to do so, your admiration of other people’s pictures may just be driving an intimacy wedge between you and your mate.

A helpful tip here is to simply create awareness around what you are doing when on social media aps. Remember, there’s a good chance your mate is likely watching what you’ve been up to.

5) You’re on your phone before you get out of bed

This tip goes back to what was previously mentioned in some of the previous points. Do you reach for your phone first thing in the morning, perhaps before you even get out of the bed? Do you stare at that electronic screen all bleary eyed, trying to make sense of what you are seeing while your mate is lying next to you? If you said yes here, it is important to know that you are totally blowing what could be the most special part of your day.

The way we begin our mornings matters because how we start them has a way of setting the tone for the day. Rather than reaching for your smart-phone when you get up, why not turn over and give your mate a kiss. And while you are at it, why not let them kiss you back? Those kisses could lead to something more in for the form of intimacy.

Final Thoughts

Techno-gadgets and mobile devices are awesome. They allow us to interact with others both near and far. And to be sure, many of us need to be connected wirelessly for work purposes. But for all of the great things technology has to offer, there are downsides.