Breaking Up and Mental Health
Let’s face it—breakups suck. Whether you’ve been dating for six months or married for sixteen years, the end of a relationship can feel like a wrecking ball crashing through your life. As a couples therapist here in Chicago, I’ve sat with countless clients who come in heartbroken, confused, or just plain exhausted from trying to “make it work.”
But here’s the thing I often say (gently, of course): sometimes breaking up is the best thing you can do for your mental health. Seriously.
I know that’s not the easiest truth to sit with—especially in a city like Chicago, where cuffing season is real, the winters are brutal, and everyone’s looking for someone to hibernate with. But ending a relationship that’s no longer serving you might be the first step toward healing, growth, and peace of mind.
So, if you’re thinking about breaking up—or you’re in the thick of it—here are 7 reasons why it might actually be good for your mental health
1. You stop walking on eggshells
When a relationship is strained, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or constantly monitoring your words and actions to keep the peace. That’s exhausting—and over time, it chips away at your sense of self.
Once the relationship ends, you might be surprised by the sudden relief. You’re no longer in emotional limbo or second-guessing everything you say. You can finally exhale. It’s one of the many things a therapist can help you explore as part of post breakup therapy.
2. You make space for self-rediscovery
In therapy sessions, I often ask clients, “When’s the last time you felt like yourself?” If your answer dates back to before the relationship, that’s a red flag.
Breakups, painful as they are, offer a golden opportunity to reconnect with your passions, values, and identity outside of your relationship. What do you actually like doing on a Saturday morning? Who are you when you’re not half of a couple?
3. You get off the emotional rollercoaster
If your relationship has been more up-and-down than the Red Line during rush hour, your nervous system is probably shot.
High-conflict or emotionally unpredictable relationships can lead to chronic anxiety and even depression. When you remove that source of instability, your body and mind have a chance to calm down. You may start sleeping better, feeling less anxious, and thinking more clearly.
4. You rebuild your support system
Toxic or isolating relationships often come with a shrinking social circle. Maybe your partner didn’t like your friends. Maybe you just stopped reaching out.
Post-breakup, many of my Chicago clients find themselves reconnecting with old friends, leaning on family, and even making new connections. It can be a refreshing reminder that you’re not alone—and never were.
5. You learn what you really need in a partner
Ending a relationship can be an eye-opener. With a little reflection (and maybe some therapy), you start to see what worked, what didn’t, and what you actually need in your next relationship.
One-on-one relationship therapy (yes, you can work on your love life even when you’re single!) can help you untangle old patterns and build a clearer picture of your values and boundaries.
And no, that’s not just therapist talk. This kind of insight makes future relationships way healthier and more fulfilling.
6. You avoid wasting more time in the wrong relationship
Let’s be real: staying in a dead-end relationship can be like paying rent on an apartment you hate, hoping it’ll magically turn into your dream home. Time is a non-renewable resource, and the longer you stay in something that isn’t working, the more you delay your own growth—and happiness.
Breaking up frees you from that stuck place. It’s not a failure; it’s a powerful act of self-respect.
7. You can start fresh—on your terms
Whether you’re dating again, traveling solo, or just enjoying your own space in your Lincoln Park apartment, there’s something incredibly empowering about starting over.
A breakup can be the beginning of something much better. Not just a better relationship, but a better relationship with yourself. And when you invest in that, everything else improves—your friendships, your career, your confidence.
Therapy can help you sort it all out
Here in my Chicago therapy practice, I work with individuals navigating breakups all the time. Sometimes we’re processing grief and heartbreak. Other times, we’re untangling codependency or helping someone rediscover who they are after years of being “us.”
Breakups don’t always need to be messy to be meaningful. And you don’t need to go through it alone.
One-on-one therapy gives you a safe space to explore your feelings, get honest about what you want, and move forward with clarity—whether that means closure, co-parenting, or just making peace with the past.
Final thoughts: Sometimes, letting go is the healthiest choice
Chicago is a city full of connection—coffee shops, comedy shows, lakefront walks, and, yes, a dating scene that can feel like a full-time job. But your most important relationship is still the one you have with yourself.
If your current relationship is draining you more than it’s supporting you, it might be time to ask some hard (but important) questions.
And if you’re ready to talk, we are here. Based in Chicago, I offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions for individuals who are navigating relationships, breakups, and everything in between. Because sometimes, breaking up is the beginning—not the end.
