Ready to paddle down the river of love?
By: Costa Provis, LCPC, CPC
Navigating a relationship is a lot like being on a canoe trip; just you and your partner alone in the canoe having to figure out the best way to get to your destination.
Sometimes you find you are rowing in perfect unison, gliding smoothly across the water, feeling great about your situation.
Other times you may feel stuck or trapped, miles away from where you want to be with little hope of ever arriving at the goal. But before you jump ship, here are some things to consider that can make your journey much smoother and more enjoyable.
Now you’ll have to work with me here – I know we’re in Chicago and there aren’t a lot of places in the city to canoe down a river. So, just think of what I’m writing metaphorically.
The first thing to consider in relationships and canoeing is that working together is really the only option. Not working as a team will only make the trip more difficult, if not impossible.
Therefore, while you’re out there on the river in your canoe, you have to keep an open mind and display some adaptability as you go along. In other words, you must be able to roll with the tide because the tide won’t wait for you.
At some moments, you’ll both need to work really hard together, at other times one of you may have to take the lead.
There is no clean, straightforward path but know that you are in this together, having to lean on one another for support, and that is a really good thing.
If you have an open mind to going with the flow (pun intended) you will be way more relaxed and work well with your partner on the trip.
Next, you will need to communicate a lot as you navigate your way, re-aligning your plans and expectations as often as the river calls for.
That’s life after all, it does not always go along with your plans, so keeping the lines of communication open is extremely important if you want to feel connected and flexible.
Related: Abandonment issues – a closer look
Imagine if you start rowing in one direction while your partner is heading in a different way.
At best the canoe will stand still, but tipping over is a possibility. Change will happen, the waters will get rough, even foaming white at times, and talking things out will only help you stay afloat.
Also, you won’t want to let things fester along the journey. That is a good way to find yourself all wet and the canoe upside down.
Remember that the same problem (or trigger) over time only gets worse, so don’t quietly observe your partner not meeting your expectations, but rather talk about them and re-align as you go.
By working together and communicating on an ongoing basis, you will be able to accomplish the main goal of your trip – to actually enjoy the ride!
Knowing you can live in the present during the good and calm moments, equipped with the knowledge that you can handle any rough waters that may pop up on you, will give you the confidence to enjoy your journey; the ability to enjoy your relationship.
Then you may be able to really plug-in to the many positive aspects of your partner and relationship, just like you can reflect on the many joys you experienced while rolling down the river. It’s that simple.
Canoeing (like a relationship) is not always easy, but it sure can be fun!
By working together with your partner, keeping the lines of communication open and on-going, and trying/allowing yourself to live in the present and enjoy the ride, you will love canoeing as much as I do.
