Couples Intimacy Tips
By: Deb Klecha, LCPC
Lost connection (intimacy and communication issues) is a common concern for couples who visit our offices here at Couples Counseling Center in Chicago. This is particularly true for couples who have a long history together. Reaching this point in a relationship can make couples feel hopeless and frustrated.
Let’s be honest – there’s nothing worse than rolling over in your bed and looking at the person lying across from you and thinking: Who is this person?
Couples Intimacy Tips
In the past, I’ve tried to speak to these kinds of relationship problems by offering several couples intimacy tips suggestions. The reality is that intimacy doesn’t just happen on its own. It takes dedication and focus for the “romance” part of a relationship to occur. This means adjusting our expectations and realizing that intimacy isn’t a function of mere chemistry.
If you are looking for ways to ramp up intimacy in your relationship, I encourage you to think about the following three lifestyle shifts that may help you and your significant other feel closer.
Let’s jump right in!
1. Take 30 30-minute Walks In 30 Days
Great exercise, but the point is not to lower your health insurance premiums. In fact, you can leave your Fitbit at home. This is about creating non-threatening space for conversation. If you are walking together, there are often enough distractions—not to mention positive endorphins—that conversations that seemed impossible to once have suddenly become much more natural.
Don’t worry if you don’t talk much the first few times. Keep going! Conversation will eventually occur organically. Meanwhile you will be sharing all the benefits of exercise and the outdoors—together! If you live by a beach or walking path, why not take advantage of the sights and scenes?
2. For One Month….Turn Off Devices For At Least 30 Minutes Per Day
Obvious? Perhaps. But many of us do not do this without added reminders. We are constantly on our smartphones and often turn to TV after a long day at work. We may even think that watching a show with our partners constitutes togetherness and connection.
But ask yourselves…..Are you physically touching each other in any way during that time? Did any conversation that wasn’t about the show happen? How much time did you spend actually looking at each other?
My guess is that the answers to most—if not all—of these questions would reveal a lack of intimacy and connection. So try committing to turning off devices for 30 minutes to see its impact on intimacy. If this feels awkward, you can turn to an activity such as a card game, the walk mentioned above, or the suggestion below…..
3. Cook Together 1x Per Week
This is another activity where the focus is not on the conversation per se, so the pressure’s off. You have a focus, but conversation will likely happen organically. There is a hidden intimacy to preparing a meal together, and you will likely experience this whether conversation happens immediately or not.
You will likely start out discussing ingredients if conversation has been lacking, but it is almost inevitable that you will graduate to other topics over the course of the month. And at the end of the preparation, you have the meal, which can be a great opportunity to try out suggestion #2!
More Couples Intimacy Tips
One of the things I love about working with clients around intimacy issues is the ability to help them become closer to one another through the creative process. The truth is there are lots of simple things that most couples can do to foster closeness that don’t a lot of effort.
Finally, I encourage you to checkout our list of 10 powerful ways to increase intimacy. The therapists here at the Center brainstormed together as a way of presenting the material that appears on the page.
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