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End Negative Thinking About Dating
Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience. Let’s face it, when we are meeting someone for that all important “first date”, we want to make a good impression. For many people however, fear of being rejected can place a barrier on setting something up from happening in the first place. This is particularly true if we are new to the dating scene or if were previously in a long term relationship and have forgotten the basics. At its core, we are talking about negative thinking.
What follows are five quick tips from guys to keep in mind when it comes to a first date. The men I interviewed for this article are straight and gay so the suggestions can apply to anyone reading this post. In addition, a short video is offered that shows you how to stop negative thinking by taking your thoughts to thought court.
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1. Be assertive
Do you like the person enough to ask them out on a date? Have you detected a potential interest on their part? If so, then you are halfway to the finish line with going out on a first date! Keep in mind that times have changed and gender no longer acts as a qualifier regarding “who should be asking who” out. Dating is a numbers game – pure and simple. You won’t be going out on many dates if you are constantly waiting to be asked by someone. Bottom line … if you like someone and they seem to have shown some kind of interest in you, ask for a date.
Finally on this point – avoid the spiral of negative thinking. It is human nature to be apprehensive about asking someone out on a date however it is another thing to “talk” ourselves out of doing it because we are engaged in negative thinking. Below is a video that I have created to help you bring your negative thoughts to “Thought Court”. All you need is a pen and notebook. Remember, most first dates never happen because nobody asked![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3Uw9qJXmOs”][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]Watch video and learn how to take your negative thoughts to “Thought Court” Put your negative thoughts on trial and prosecute them![/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text]
2. Decide with confidence
When it comes time to figuring out where you should go on a first date, try to avoid being the person who says, “You decide”. There are two ways to approach this. Number one – if you ask someone out, offer choices for where to go. Two – if you have been asked out, pick something that is offered.
Too many first dates never happen because one or both people can’t decide on a place to chill. Folks, it just is not that complicated. Pick a place, even if it is a coffee shop and take it from there.[/vc_column_text][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text]
3. Go dutch
Many people swear that they can tell a lot about another person on a first date by seeing if the other party will pay the bill. In truth however, that old wives-tale is a bunch of hogwash. Avoid this toxic game of “who will pay the bill” by deciding in advance that the both of you will be going dutch.
That’s right – I am suggesting that you make it clear when setting up the date that it will be a 50/50 experience when it comes to the old pocketbook. This one step will remove a LOT of pressure from the both of you and in the process, save money.
4. Kissing is OK but …
Enjoying an end-of-date kiss is perfectly OK. Yep, you can even partake in a passionate, earth-shattering kiss if the spirit moves you. Are you a guy reading this post? If so, you might want to check out this short article on How to Kiss like a Man. The main point with an end of date kiss is that it needs to be organic in nature. Nobody should feel pressured or obligated.
Tip: One bit of advice here – make sure that your first kiss does not turn into a situation where you are giving away the candy store. You know what I am talking about here. After speaking to a number of couples who have turned first dates into long-lasting relationships, I have learned that waiting until the third or fourth is a “best practice” when it comes to intimacy.
5. Wait to text
As tempting as it might be, try to avoid texting the person you went out on a date with that same evening. If you text too soon after a first date, you may unintentionally be giving the vibe that you are desperate. This may be painful to hear but it is true. Instead, wait a day or two and send that text.
A simple message that communicates how you felt the date went and communicates your interest is all you need to do. Example: I had fun with you at the coffee shop. How are you today?” Notice that the text communicated interest and asked a question in a way that did not apply pressure. You will know based on the text conversation (or lack thereof) if the person gelled with you and by extension, if a second date is in the cards for the future.
Summary
First dates can be a lot of fun but they can also be tricky. By taking the initiative and asking for that first date, you will be taking the first steps towards a potential romance. The five tips I have offered here are by no means a complete list as there are other topics that are important to explore. What has been offered here were the basics, designed to get your dating engine revved up!
Finally, while not stated in the five first date tips above, it needs to be said here that above all – be yourself! It all starts with liking yourself. Everything else will follow.
And who knows – maybe one of those first dates you set up will lead to a long term relationship with the person of your dreams.
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