Don’t Say These Things to Your Girlfriend
Is your girlfriend mad at you right now because of a remark that you have made? Is she pissed at you because you have a history of making nasty comments that she considers to be insensitive, hurtful and mean? If so, you are not alone. Many men will say things to their girlfriends from a place of anger without first thinking through the consequences of words escaping their mouth.
While occasional heated arguments are universal to all couples, there are just some things you should never say to your girlfriend – ever. Recently, our relationship specialists came together to explore the topic of communications in the context of romantic relationships. We created a list of five specific things that should be considered as major “no-no’s” during heated arguments.
We want to say here that while the points mentioned below are aimed specifically towards men, the material we have listed really applies to all people in relationships – regardless of gender. We purposely focused on the guys, however, because we see just see men making these kinds of comments more than women.
Are you ready for our list of 5? Let’s jump right in!
1. Lose some weight
One of the most hurtful things you can say to your girlfriend is to make comments intended to insult her body. Here, we are talking about “joking around” about her weight or out and out calling her fat. During heated arguments, it’s easy to reach for something that will pack the biggest emotional punch.
You need to know, however, that nasty remarks about your girlfriend’s size and shape inflict serious relational damage. If you are doing this right now or have a history of making “fat” comments, it’s time to stop right now.
2. You are ugly
Do you sometimes justify some of your “wandering eye” behaviors by saying to your girlfriend, “I wouldn’t do it if you weren’t so ugly!”? Are there other variations of the word ugly that you sprinkle into conversations, perhaps thinking you are being funny? Guess what – you aren’t.
When you call your girlfriend ugly, you are chipping away at your mate’s self-esteem and making a negative statement about her physical appearance. While it is easy to say things we don’t mean during a fight, calling her ugly is one type of comment that will be hard for you to later be forgiven for. Like the previously mentioned point – just don’t do it.
3. I’ll break up with you
Have you ever served up an ultimatum where you have said to your girlfriend, “If you do that I will break up with you!”? This one is considered a “biggie” when it comes to no-no’s during the course of an argument. Here at Couples Counseling Center, we call this the nuclear option.
In other words, when you threaten to terminate the relationship, you are essentially using fear and intimidation to get your way. This is a form of emotional abuse – pure and simple. At some point, your girlfriend is going to call your bluff and you are going to be out in the cold.
4. You are stupid
Do you sometimes discount what your girlfriend is saying to you by calling her stupid? Have there been times when you make remarks like, “You don’t know what you are talking about so keep your stupid mouth shut!”? Here is the real deal – any variation of implying or out and out calling your girlfriend stupid or dumb is just not OK.
During majorly heated arguments, it is important to stick to some basic ground rules for fair fighting. Hurling insults that are designed to demean your girlfriend’s intelligence shouldn’t be part of discussion.
5. You are bad in bed
Maybe it is true that your girlfriend could use some help in the intimacy department. Perhaps she really does struggle with intimacy issues. This, however, doesn’t give you the right to say to her that she is bad in bed. Many guys reach for these kinds of comments when there is a sexual lull in the relationship. It is far better, however, to recognize that from time to time, the passion in the relationship will not be intense.
One of the topics we commonly explore in therapy focused on sex has to do with peaks and valleys. This kind of counseling might be something you might want to consider for yourself or as a couple. FYI – there’s always the possibility that the sexual problems you are experience have to do with you and not your girlfriend.
Communications Resources
There isn’t a couple on the planet that hasn’t had an occasional disagreement. In fact, some amount of relational discord can be healthy because it helps to sharpen issues and create personal independence. But disagreements are not permission slips to engage in name calling and emotional abuse.
This is why focusing on communications skills is so important to long term relational success.
Final Thoughts
If you are a guy who found yourself identifying with one or more of the 5 things mentioned above, we encourage you to think a bit more about the words you use. Some guys have found it helpful to work with a relationship specialist on controlling their anger.
If you are in Chicago, the counseling professionals here at the Center may be helpful in assisting you with discovering strategies for coping with your feelings and identifying new and healthy ways of communicating during conflict.
Finally, some couples find talk-therapy helpful with establishing ground rules during disagreements and moving about the business or preventing fights in the first place. We encourage you to reach out to us if you are interested in these services to explore the possibilities.
We hope you found the material here useful. Thanks for visiting Couples Counseling Center. Please Like us on Facebook, Circle us on Google+ and share on Twitter!
