Therapist for gay marriage counseling in Chicago – Lakeview
By: Dr. Tyler Fortman
Let’s face it – gay marriages aren’t exactly like straight marriages. Now don’t get me wrong, gay marriages are every bit as worthy and deserving of rights as gay marriages. Nonetheless, different factors influence their success.
For example, gay couples must negotiate responsibilities in a way that straight couples don’t have to because gender roles don’t define responsibilities for them; gay couples are more likely to be non-monogamous, which can create substantial closeness in the relationship or cause major rifts; members of gay couples are often more concerned about their loss of independence after getting married than their straight counterparts; and, so on.
The good news is that there are experts in Chicago Lakeview who specialize in working with gay couples!
What should gay couples looking for a marriage counselor consider?
1. Is the person familiar with gay relationships?
This seems obvious, but for some people it isn’t. (Alternatively, some people searching for a therapist for gay marriage are willing to ignore if the therapist is familiar with gay relationships because they don’t think that they can actually find someone who specializes in gay relationships.)
You should interview the person and ask them how they think gay relationships differ from straight relationships. Does their answer match your beliefs? Do they imply that there aren’t differences? If so, you might want to look elsewhere.
Further, couples therapy is based in an understanding that people do not function in independent bubbles. They influence others and the systems around them but are also influenced by others and the systems around them.
This means that a good gay marriage therapist needs to have an understanding of the systems (advertising, societal pressures, pressures from other gay people, etc.) that influence the relationship. Only in this way can the therapist equip the couple with tools to strengthen their relationship.
2. What percentage of the therapist’s existing clients are gay couples?
Knowing this (and feel free to ask them) can tell you a lot about the therapist’s experience. Look into the practice and make sure that they are clearly marketing to gay couples. If they aren’t, they aren’t specialists in this area and may not be able to meet your needs.
Related: Lesbian couples counseling
3. Family considerations
Consider what “family” means to you and compare it to hints given from the potential therapist. Does the person assume that married couples are interested in children? You may have children or plan for them, but this could also be an area of contention in your relationship. Certainly, you need a therapist who is open to all decisions you might make around kids.
4. Sex and intimacy issues
Are sex or intimacy concerns issues that you hope to address in therapy? If so, consider what kind of therapist you will feel comfortable talking to about your sex life. Does the therapist’s gender matter to you?
If kink, is a part of your sex life, does the therapist promote themselves as kink knowledgeable? Do they promote themselves as sex positive?
5. Do you feel comfortable with the potential therapist?
Research is clear that the best predictor of success in therapy is the strength of the relationship between clients and therapist. So, it’s imperative that you feel comfortable.
For some people this means that the person is really warm and empathic, but for others it is that the therapist is very direct. Consider what you need and remind yourself of it while you’re searching for a gay marriage counselor.
6. Does the therapist or practice also do premarital counseling?
Helping couples make their relationships thrive is really useful to knowing how to help the couple fix their marriage when it isn’t working. Remember, the goal of marriage counseling isn’t to make your marriage less miserable, it’s to make it a source or comfort and joy! That’s why premarital counseling matters.
7. Consider logistics!
It can be complicated to coordinate the schedules of three people. Does the therapist’s schedule match yours? How close is the therapist to your home or work? It can be a really helpful to stay motivated in therapy if you don’t have to travel far.
Lakeview is bustling neighborhood with pride events, parks, Wrigley Field, restaurants and many opportunities for people who are gay. There is no reason that you can’t find a great fit for a gay marriage therapist right here in Chicago.
If you are interested in learning more about gay couples counseling, give us a call at 773.598.7797 or send us a note using our confidential online form.
