How to Make Love to a Man
By: Couples Counseling Staff
The topic of making love comes up a lot here at Couples Counseling Center. It’s a natural part of the dynamic when two people seek professional guidance on how to increase intimacy and overall relational pleasure.
The reason this post directly speaks to the topic of making love to a man is because many people incorrectly believe that guys aren’t interested in the “love” making part of intimacy.
That’s simply not true and is an unfortunate myth that has been part of our societal mix for some time now. The reality is that guys crave intimacy too – they just don’t talk about it.
How to Make Love
One of the first things we try to encourage our clients to think about is the difference between making love and versus “kicking it”. In other words, love making involves an emotional, mindful connection whereas mere sex is often distant and maybe even robotic.
This “how to” guide on how to make love to a man focuses on the love making part and will hopefully provide some meaningful tips so that intimacy becomes more pleasurable, meaningful and fun.
Let’s jump right in!
1) Make sure he truly cares about you
Love making isn’t possible unless two people care about one another. One of the best ways to understand the level of intimacy that you and your man share is to assess your specific love style.
If you are not feeling excited about making love or sense that he may be emotionally unavailable, it may be a good idea to hold off for a while. The real magic of love making happens when it is organic and spontaneous. Use your empathic abilities to tap into where the both of you are at. This leads us to our next point.
2) Understand how guys express love
One of the most frustrating things women (and some men) share with our relationship counselors relates to a perceived inability on the part of men to express love. The topic comes up so much that we created a special post designed to speak to this concern (see our post on how guys say I love you).
The main take-away here is to focus on what your man does with his actions versus just what he’s not saying.
Generally speaking, it has been our experience that men tend to avoid verbal expressions of intimacy and tend to demonstrate their emotions through actions. Knowing how your man expresses love to you can help you to feel more comfortable about where the two of you are at emotionally.
3) Use the “What” question as a guide
Under this point, we recommend that couples become mindful of their actions when sharing intimacy with one another. This means not simply going through the motions but instead, truly be present in the moment. There’s nothing new-age or “Zen” about this tip by the way and is fairly easy to pull off.
When you are with your guy, ask yourself: What am I aware of when I am touching him? What is his reaction when I move my hands across his body? What am I aware of about myself? The idea here is to increase awareness of the here and now.
If you are looking for ways to increase intimacy in a way that may help you to better tune into your man and yourself, consider reading our intimacy homework assignment post.
4) It’s all about the kiss
One of the most intimate, magical and powerful things about love making happens with the kiss. There are a number of reasons for this, including the way nerves are bundled in the lips and connected to the brain. But do you know how to kiss – for real?
There really is an art to making out and is part of foreplay. We encourage our clients to learn as much as they can about kissing. We even put together a post for men to learn how to kiss.
Our point here is to not be passive. Instead, be part of the kiss and actively involved in lip locking.
5) Express what you are feeling in the moment
The final tip we encourage clients to think about is to verbally express what they are feeling. You don’t have to use a bunch of “Oohs and Oh Yeah!” either. Simply stating something like, baby I really like that works just fine.
On this final point, expressing what you are feeling in the moment can also mean simply going with it. Don’t freak out if your guy starts to touch you in places he hasn’t in the past. Part of love making means learning about what turns him on and not judging.
If he touches your feet, your ears or licks your body, go with it. If the two of you are emotionally linked, chances are you will be doing some new things as well – to him.
Final Thoughts
Making love to a man shouldn’t be all that mysterious. Still, many struggle with how to proceed. To help build upon what has been shared here, we would like to recommend the book, How To Make Love to a Man by Alexandra Penney.
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