Feelings of envy with a partner
Recently, a very nice young woman phone our offices looking for guidance around jealousy issues. To make a long story short, she was envious of her husband because he had lost a lot of weight and was gaining the attention of admirers.
As couples therapists in Chicago who work with a wide variety of issues, it’s safe to say that her concerns were understandable. It’s only natural to have some kind of reaction when a partner gains the attention of others – and we do not.
So, the essential question is what to do? For example, is the appropriate response to live in denial and occasionally have an outburst because you are feeling jealous? Or, is it better to work with someone around the issue with the goal of self-insight?
As a reader of this blog, you probably know the answer is the later. But here’s the thing. Just talking about what you are feeling might not be enough. Instead, it will be important for the helping professional to get holistic view of what’s going on deep inside.
In the case of the woman who called looking for help, I met with her and learned a number of things. Here are some highlights:
- She grew up feeling minimized
- Her life has been marked with weight issues
- There was a history of infidelity in her marriage
- She was prone to depression and anxiety
And so as you can see, the surface issue of jealousy wasn’t the only thing going on. In fact, her feelings of envy were likely fueled by a number of factors – many of which had plagued her since an early age in life.
For her, counseling may help with gaining a stronger understanding about how she feels about her body. Moreover, a healthier pathway to insight may be possible, contextualized by her marriage.
This doesn’t mean therapy will be offer a magic cure. It won’t. But what it can do is assist with managing feelings of jealousy with the goal of minimizing its negative effects.
If you are struggling with these types of issues, it might help to reach out to a helping professional who cares. All of our counselors at Couples Counseling Center are familiar these types of challenges. Why not call to make an appointment for individual relationship therapy today?
