Bi Boyfriend or Husband?
Have you recently discovered that your boyfriend is bi? Did your husband share with you that he swings both ways? Upon learning of your boyfriend’s bisexuality, did you find yourself freaking out? If so, you are not alone. During the course of a relationship, many partners discover their boyfriend or husband has bi tendencies. At first this news can upsetting, particularly if his disclosure catches you by surprise.
So what exactly should you do you if your man informs you he is bi or if you suspect he swings both ways?
This brief blogpost will explore the topic of bisexuality in the context of relationships. Five concrete facts will be shared to help you get through the immediate moment. Resources are also offered within this post to assist with deeper understanding and knowledge.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Having bisexual fantasies do not mean a person is actually “bi”
If your boyfriend or husband has shared that he has fantasies about the opposite sex, this does not necessarily mean he is bi. Human sexuality runs across a complex spectrum. On this note, just because a person has engaged in an intimate activity with the opposite sex, it does not necessarily mean they are truly “bi”.
Most people are curious from time to time about “what it might be like”. This is part of being human. FYI: Several animal species have bi tendencies. This doesn’t mean they are “bi” either or “gay” for that matter. It is critical at this point to avoid using labels.
2. Being bi is not the same as being gay
If your boyfriend truly is bisexual, it is important that you understand this does not mean he is also gay. Homosexuality and Heterosexuality operate on the same spectrum as previously mentioned. In order to be classified as “gay”, the individual needs to exclusively be attracted to people who are of the same sex.
In plain old fashioned English – this means that your man would only be physically attracted to other men. Gay and bi are not the same. Many people confuse these terms so make sure you have a clear understanding of their meaning.
3. Being Bi does not mean he can’t love you
If it turns out that your man really does hold an attraction for both women and men, this does not mean you need to break up or that he is incapable of loving you. Finally on this point, a disclosure of being bi doesn’t mean he is going to walk out on you. Remember, your man can still be physically and emotionally attracted to you and still be bi.
FYI: You do not necessarily need to create an open relationship either. The parameters of your relationship will only change if the both of you decide to shift your physical focus or if there has been an act of infidelity.
4. Don’t make assumptions based on rumors
It is entirely possible that you belief your boyfriend is bi based on rumors. Examples include comments from friends or relatives. What is important that you know is this – rumors are not the same as facts. Many celebrities for example have been tagged with the bi label. This does not mean that what is being said is true.
Unless you have directly observed bi behaviors in your man, the gossip doesn’t mean diddly squat. If you are curious about your boyfriend potentially being attracted to other guys, it is best to have a serious conversation about your concerns with him. Don’t turn the discussion into a fight – simply talk with him about the issue in a way that is non-threatening and supportive.
5. Get counseling
Depending upon the dynamics, it might be a good idea for you to get some counseling around this issue. Right now, you are likely feeling a number of different emotions and things can seem a bit confusing. One on one relationship counseling can help you to better understand what may be happening and bring a sense of clarity to a trying situation.
Some couples find that engaging in couples therapy is a safe and productive way of exploring the entire subject of sexual attraction and intimacy.
Summing Things Up
Learning that your boyfriend may be bi can be a difficult pill to swallow. If the man you are sharing intimate relations with is also your husband, his disclosure may send you into panic mode; spiraling you into a place of mass confusion and blame. This is why it is so important right now to get educated on what it means to be bi and how this can impact your relationship.
An excellent resource to consider is the book, Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi. Inside, you will find page after page of useful insight about the entire topic of human sexuality and romantic relationships. This significant book is a must have for any woman (or man) who has questions about sexual orientation, relationships and love.
If you are in the Chicago area and would like to speak to a counselor about bisexuality and your relationship, please give us a call at 773-598-7797. We offer a safe, non-judgmental environment to explore this topic. You can also send us a private note through our online contact form.
Below you will find a bi poll as a way of anonymously sharing what you are feeling with others. Be sure to check back from time to time to see how others have voted.
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