Premarital Counseling and heading off potential conflicts
By: Couples Counseling Staff
It finally happened! Your partner proposed and you’re getting married! As you’re running around Chicago, looking at venues and talking to vendors, you might find it hard to make time for the most important part of your wedding—your relationship!
Planning a wedding can be a stressful undertaking, managing budgets, vendors, and opinionated family members.
Thinking about going to premarital counseling might just feel like one more thing on the to-do list but connecting and communicating better with your partner is something that’ll last even after all the cake has been eaten and the flowers have drooped.
Related: The truth about “quickie” premarital counseling
Many people have the misconception that couples counseling is only for couples who are having major problems or are on the brink of splitting up. On the contrary, couples counseling can be the most helpful when you’re not in crisis.
These weeks or months before marriage can really be a wonderful opportunity to improve your communication and to address any issues before they become problems. Even if you’ve already been living together for years, things may change when you get married.
Questions about kids and family, or how to handle the in-laws can change or fall under added pressure after the rings have been exchanged.
Here at Couples Counseling Chicago, we offer a special program called Gate 14 to help you explore all those important topics! Or, if you’re looking for a more spiritual program, our therapist, Heather, can guide you through the Prepare and Enrich program.
So what kinds of problems with premarital counseling prevent?
- Communication issues: In premarital counseling, you’ll learn skills and strategies for how to discuss difficult issues in productive ways.
- Intimacy issues: Many couples experience sexual or other intimacy issues over the course of their relationship. Premarital counseling can help you create a shared sense of what sex and intimacy means to you and help strengthen the physical aspect of your relationship.
- Money issues: Finances and money are one of the most common areas of conflict in relationships. In premarital counseling, you can clarify your budget and how you’ll share financial burdens. This is also an important opportunity to discuss spending and how you’ll navigate major purchases or expenses.
- Future planning: Many couples decide to get married without discussing major life plans such as kids or where to live. In premarital counseling, you’ll get an opportunity to clarify these future plans and life goals.
- Chores! Whether it’s how to load the dishwasher, or who used the last roll of toilet paper, living together can create conflicts with couples and roommates alike. As a married couple, there can be an added pressure of all the expectations of what you think a spouse should do or how you should share the load. Many of us don’t even realize we have these subconscious expectations (much less discuss them!), yet they make us feel resentful and frustrated when our spouses don’t meet them. Premarital counseling can help you understand and identify those issues before they become a repeated after work fight.
- Wedding stuff! Invitations, seating charts and the like are probably the most pressing problems on your mind if you’re in the thick of wedding planning. Premarital counseling can help with this too! Counseling can be a great time to clear the air about issues with extended family related to the wedding and to ask for help if one partner feels like they’re carrying too much of the load.
We get it! Wedding planning is hard! Premarital counseling can be great place to reconnect and focus on the important part of the wedding—you guys!
