By: Alan Tsang, LPC, NCC
Are they ready for a relationship?
Having lived in Chicago my whole life, I have seen relationships come and go pretty quickly. Some might have a more particular reason than the next, any of which can be valid from person to person.
But for others, many Chicagoans might feel like they’ve been together forever and their partner doesn’t seem to commit to them.
One of the biggest reasons people might go into counseling in the first place is to get insight on whether or not they are ready for a relationship. The same thing can be said about people who wonder if their partner is ready too!
To quote the Rob Base song, “It takes two to make a thing go right, it takes two to make it out of sight.” You might be asking yourself what that even means.
In this context, it means a relationship needs all members to be fully committed and invested in growing with each other.
Of course, it’s not easy to tell if your partner is truly ready for a relationship or not. Having one partner giving 100% while the other is only giving 50% can be an easy way for the relationship to be sabotaged. This can be especially true in a city as big as Chicago, with so many things going on in our work and personal lives.
Here’s 5 signs that your partner isn’t ready just yet
1. Your partner is guarded or secretive
Being vulnerable is understandably difficult when you start building a relationship. Yet at the same time, committing to share your life with someone also means being able to share your thoughts and feelings about any given situation.
So let’s say your partner isn’t willing to share something with you, whether it’s about where they want to go or if it’s something did, and you find out about it after the fact. Perhaps they were worried that you would judge them, when in reality that wouldn’t be the case.
Having your partner be able to share those moments with you is one of the first steps in building a committed and trusting relationship.
2. They’re constantly criticizing you
Again, building a relationship takes two to make it amazing. But you aren’t the same people, so your partner might view things a bit differently than you do. This can go from something like music preferences, to how your dress, and even to religious views.
Being in a relationship means being able to express yourself comfortably to your partner. That being said, being controlled and criticized for your every move can be a surefire path towards unhealthy behaviors from both partners.
3. You aren’t the main focus
A relationship where both partners are readily committed typically means you can talk about anything with each other when difficult situations come up. Conversations could even be about favorite movies, individual interests, or life goals.
For example, let’s imagine a particular couple in Chicago where one partner is trying to talk about how stressful their day was. We also see that this person’s frustration is building because their partner is more focused on their phone or something on TV.
Appreciation and quality time are just 2 of the most important things in a relationship. If your partner doesn’t seem interested in how you are doing or what you’re saying even at the start of the relationship, it’s not likely that they would grow interested.
4. The attraction might only be physical
I’ll keep this one short and simple. Attraction in a relationship focuses on both the surface level and deeper sides to both partners. Consider if your partner hasn’t gotten past the physical attraction they have for you after some period of time.
They haven’t scratched the surface to who you are, perhaps because they don’t want to be emotionally available.
5. You don’t get mentioned to others
Okay, no one really expects to be introduced to family or friends after one date. But if some time has gone by and you’re still left wondering who your partner’s friends are, or what their family is like outside of simple descriptions, consider the level of commitment your partner is giving compared to your level.
This might be a hard concept to grasp, but a relationship doesn’t just simply include you and your partner. It includes your family and your partner’s too.
Your partner’s values and ambitions are encompassed by what their family’s values are; the same goes for yours too. So, what would it mean for you and your relationship if you still haven’t met the other parts of your partner yet?
Creating a relationship can take a lot of work, and we understand that there are times where you feel like you’re hitting a wall that you can’t climb over.
We have many professional therapists that can help you gain the insight you want into whether you or your partner are ready for a relationship.
So if you are living in Chicago and might be struggling to see whether your partner is ready for a committed relationship, I encourage you to give us a call at 773.598.7797 or send us a secure, confidential note via our contact form.
Thanks for stopping by!
