3 Good Things About Your Situation

By: Marcelo Gonzalez

Every couple seeking counseling arrives in a less than ideal state. If your relationship were perfect, there would be no reason to take a brave first step and google “Couples Counseling Chicago.”

You know that something is amiss. Perhaps you’re experiencing:

Frequent conflict
Financial Issues
Lack of Intimacy
Infidelity
Miscommunication

Regardless of what you face, that first meeting can elicit a multitude of feelings – perhaps sadness, anxiety, anger or depression. You may be asking questions such as:

Is it really so bad we need a stranger to talk to?
How did our great relationship go this south?
Does this mean the end?
Is this irreconcilable?

All understandable questions arising from very human fears. At this point, you are way more aware of what’s wrong about your situation than what’s right.

But what if your perspective isn’t 100% accurate?

And what if that first meeting can create a more positive emotion: hope?

It’s crucial to consider that there may be more good news here than you think. What follows are 3 positive things with which you may not be in touch.

1) Crisis is Positive (Strangely!)

“If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”

For some reason it’s a truism of our essentially stubborn human nature to cling to the automatic and familiar even though it’s not working. Couples plod along out of habit, frequently unaware of the extent of their unhappiness.

But things deteriorate. They experience more pain. Consequences and unhappiness start piling up. Frustrations rise. Couples find themselves working harder and harder on fixing the relationship but nothing seems to help. In a word – they’re stuck.

It isn’t until things get bad enough that people change.

Right now you have likely reached your pain threshold. This is obviously a difficult time – but it also means that in the throes of your frustration you are more motivated than ever to make changes.

Crisis provides the much-needed impetus to address your issues – and actually holds the key to getting closer.

Now is the time to act! Strike while the iron is hot!

2) Willingness to work together

If one or both of you absolutely refused to work on the relationship you wouldn’t be here.

Why is this important? Well right now it probably feels like you are on very different pages – if not different books! The fact that you’ve both come to therapy means that at least in this respect you are less distant than you think.

On some level you are on the same team. And with the help of a skilled therapist, you can build on this to create a shared understanding and vision. This is a golden opportunity to work with each other – instead of against.

Imagine the possibilities!

3) There is good in your relationship

If your relationship didn’t have some positive aspects you wouldn’t be willing to seek outside help. You would have already reached the conclusion that the relationship isn’t worth working on and would ask yourself “why bother?”

Therapy represents an opportunity to revisit what drew you to one another in the first place – what made you fall in love.

You can also discover what you still love about each other right now – in spite of your difficulties.

These reminders can crack open the door of hope, providing much-needed motivation to do the work required to change.

The “good” indicates that there is indeed something worth fighting for!

Final Thoughts

Your relationship seems quite unhappy at this moment, otherwise you wouldn’t be considering counseling. Recognizing that there might be some pieces of good news does not invalidate this pain – but it does provide a fuller narrative. It’s more accurate – and can make counseling itself a little less scary.

We here at Couples Counseling Center emphasize the positive – and aim to create a safe and relaxed atmosphere for you to have a different kind of conversation. While you situation may be difficult, it’s not hopeless!

Please contact us if you are interested in setting up an appointment with one of our highly trained counselors.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this article. Hopefully it has provided some insight and reassurance!