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Relationship Intimacy

By: Dr. Tyler Fortman

When we look at our weekly calendar, whether it’s on our smart phone or work computer or hanging on the refrigerator, we see typical things: pick up dry cleaning, prep for board meeting, workout at the gym, doctor’s appointment, dinner with the in-laws, etc. But what most of us don’t see (and choose not to include) on our calendars is: “Take care of my relationship.”

Sure, it seems strange to work our partner into our calendar; I mean, this is the person we spend so much time with, right? We wake up next to them, we’re with them when we get ready in the morning, we cook for each other, we share a bank account, we fall asleep next to each other – so, why should we need to schedule them into our day?! Doesn’t this happen naturally?!

Herein lies the danger.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_raw_html]

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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]When we’re in the ‘dating’ mindset, we spend so much time and energy (and money) searching and looking for that special someone. We go out of our way to make time for our dates. We give thought to their feelings and come up with ways to impress them and show them how interested we are in what they’re thinking and feeling.

We buy a new outfit for a date, we clear out our evening just in case the date goes longer than expected, we go out of our way to make the first few impressions good ones. And, yes, this takes a lot of energy.

So, when we finally find ‘the one,’ we like to pat ourselves on the back, celebrate that the search is finally over, and then get back to the daily grind – after all, there’s work to be done. Unfortunately, this can leave our partners (and ourselves) not feeling as loved or as special as they once did.

Clearly, I’m not saying anything you haven’t heard before. The development of the relationship I described above is very reasonable and, dare I say, typical. It’s the rise and fall of the ‘honeymoon’ phase that is so often is blamed for the falling apart of a beautiful thing. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”3334″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_rounded”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Real life just doesn’t seem to play out like a romantic comedy blockbuster – and, more importantly, real life doesn’t end with a neatly-packaged ‘happy ending’ followed by an upbeat song and rolling credits.

So what do you start to lose that spark in your relationship? Well…you sit down to dinner with each other…and take out your calendars.

Yes, it’s one thing to say “let’s have more date nights” – it’s another thing to actually do it.

Life is busy. We have to get a lot done in the course of one day – and somewhere along the way we decided it was completely acceptable to schedule practically everything into our calendar except our partners. Instead, scheduling in ‘date nights’ or ‘talking time’ is seen as horribly unromantic and a killer of fun.

However, scheduling our partners into our calendar is 100% necessary and can actually be an incredible turn-on – both emotionally and physically!

Block off weekly time just for the two of you – and write it in pen! Then spend the days leading up to your ‘date time’ talking about it – let each other know how much you’re looking forward spending time with one another.

Don’t be afraid to treat it like a real date (no matter how big or small the plans are). If you’re going out somewhere, take a change of clothes to work so that you’re wearing something new…something special….just for the night. If you’re having a night in with each other, do anything but your typical routine.

And don’t let the fun drop at the end of the night – make sure the date carries all the way to the bedroom. (Maybe even pull the mattress into the living room and have a sleepover with each other – complete with movies and popcorn!)

Do all the things you used to do when you were just ‘dating’ – be open to new ideas and spontaneity. You’ll find that it’s still possible to get butterflies even for the person you’ve been with for ‘oh so long.’

Remember, lasting relationships take work![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_raw_html]

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